Apologies for the miserable tone of this post.
I am proper tired. Not just lack of sleep (although that is a major contributory factor thanks to a return of stress-induced insomnia – joy), but tired to the core of my very being. Tired of being a glorified housekeeper (domestic skivvy); tired of getting precisely no consideration about my needs and wishes (doormat); tired of being the only one actually taking anything seriously and tying myself up in knots that nothing ever seems to go right. Most of all I am tired of feeling so alone.
Okay this is self-pitying wittering and there are choices I can make to stop all this. But I really don’t want to make those choices. And every time I actually get up the courage and strength to make them, they get sabotaged by a certain someone being ill or having a problem or showing a glimmer that things could actually be good again.
I really need a holiday. I need to be able to relax and get some space and perspective. But my preferred holiday partner has decided that he doesn’t “like holidays”. How can you not like holidays?
Although the original cause of this pain aren’t my fault, my current predicament is and I am entirely guilty of creating my own Slough of Despond. I just wish I had the strength to get out of it. Perhaps I need a holiday?