Okay apparently I am now a non smoker. Not entirely convinced I’ve earned that title considering it’s only been 22 hours since I had my last cigarette but I am hopeful that I might grow to like being a non-smoker and decide to stay one. It seems okay at the moment.
I had hypnotherapy and auricular acupuncture last night which was very odd. I’ve never had acupuncture before and always been very resistant to it (as quite a lot of people have recommended it to sort out my emotional/insomnia/stress-induced ills over the past few years). This is partly because I really don’t like all the needle business (I have to have them for ‘proper’ medical reasons as it is) and partly because (and this is how weird my brain is) I don’t want it to work because then I’d have to have it all the time (go on, psycho-analyse that!).
Any way so this is acupuncture in your ears which apparently is very good for detox. I wouldn’t say it was an entirely pleasant experience having 10 needles put in your ears, in fact it was kind of painful-ish and very weird. I also got extremely light-headed. However, if it works then it was definitely worth it. As an aside, apparently I have very nice energy, which is nice to know.
Then to the hypnosis and – rather disappointingly – there was no swinging clock or “look into my eyes”. It was just all jolly relaxing and – strangely – I can hardly remember a thing she said even though she was speaking to me for the best part of an hour. That’s quite disconcerting because you think your should surely remember something of what she said, and perhaps you missed something, perhaps the missed the important bit which is the bit that makes you stop smoking. Apparently not.
I did feel very relaxed afterwards and almost drunk in a nice way. Before I left, she put some auricular seeds which seemed completely harmless at first – the only issue being washing my hair without them detaching. However these rather harmless tiny dots stuck in my ear are giving me no end of problems. Well one in particular. It turns out that it is the point dealing with emotional issues. That will be why it’s hurting like hell. I have been told to try and keep it in but I’ll just have to see how brave I’m feeling.
So the smoking…well I’m thinking about it quite a lot. Can’t decide if I’d really rather fancy a cigarette or not. I have given up before (obviously not successfully) and I know if I can do three weeks then I will probably have broken the habit (really that’s all smoking is, a bizarre habit, personally I’ve never found nicotine withdrawal to be a real problem – famous last words). Hmmm, I just keep thinking about having a cigarette and whether that would be a good thing (“no” is the answer quite clearly).
Apparently you can catch obesity. Well that would help explain the many different sizes of clothes in my wardrobe (well I prefer it to just generally being a lardy slob).
I wonder if you can catch Tim Henman-itus as well? It would explain Mr Murray’s rather disappointing display this morning.
I love the new Cadbury ad.
Apologies for the miserable tone of this post.
I am proper tired. Not just lack of sleep (although that is a major contributory factor thanks to a return of stress-induced insomnia – joy), but tired to the core of my very being. Tired of being a glorified housekeeper (domestic skivvy); tired of getting precisely no consideration about my needs and wishes (doormat); tired of being the only one actually taking anything seriously and tying myself up in knots that nothing ever seems to go right. Most of all I am tired of feeling so alone.
Okay this is self-pitying wittering and there are choices I can make to stop all this. But I really don’t want to make those choices. And every time I actually get up the courage and strength to make them, they get sabotaged by a certain someone being ill or having a problem or showing a glimmer that things could actually be good again.
I really need a holiday. I need to be able to relax and get some space and perspective. But my preferred holiday partner has decided that he doesn’t “like holidays”. How can you not like holidays?
Although the original cause of this pain aren’t my fault, my current predicament is and I am entirely guilty of creating my own Slough of Despond. I just wish I had the strength to get out of it. Perhaps I need a holiday?
I want to blog about what I’ve been upto; about the brilliance of Slumdog Millionaire; about the deliciousness of the cheesecake I bought at the weekend. But I can’t.
I haven’t been sleeping and today am so tired that – not only am I failing to keep my eyes open – I could actually cry from tiredness. Oh and someone seems to be having lung problems again. He has promised he will go to the dr. I’m keeping things crossed.
Filed under Films, Health, Life
Free (ish) things
1. Being persuaded to have a skin analysis test in Selfridges and then not getting the ‘hard sell’ on any products, getting my make up put back on nicely afterwards and finding out I have “exceptionally clean skin” (although admittedly horrifically dry round my eyes – must use the eye cream lurking in my bathroom cupboard) plus a free sample!
2. Finding a copy of The Mitford Girls in a charity shop for only £1.
3. A friend, who has an impossibly glamourous sounding job (although in reality bloody hard work), remembering that ages ago she promised to give me some Dark Knight merchandise and sending over some really wonderful goodies.
I am going to be positive about the cold weather…well I’ll try given the absence of real, proper snow and the time to do anything with it!
1. My new boots which have furry insides (not real animal) and were a brilliant bargain – a mere £25 compared to their original price of £95. I bought them on Saturday and haven’t taken them off my feet since (well obviously to sleep) although planning outfits around them is becoming something of a challenge.
2. Mugs of tea. I like a mug of tea all the time but there is something super-specially warming about one at the moment.
3. Increased excuses for blankies and snuggles.
4. Electric blankets – brilliant invention especially the lovely one we have at the moment that you can put on a low setting all night (does making dragging yourself out of bed in the morning a little difficult though).
5. I am lucky that I don’t really have to worry about having the heating on.