I am really annoyed by the London Tonight’s report on Amy Winehouse’s latest hospital escapade. It was just so derisory. I don’t actually know why I worry about her but everytime I see a picture of her or hear about her on the news I do think the poor girl will likely be dead far too soon. Luckily she was taken to UCHL which – in my experience – is a fantastic hospital.
I’ve also been so upset about the couple shot on honeymoon. I can’t help but wonder if the husband knew his new wife was dead, he would wish not to wake up. Perhaps that says more about my poor levels of self-esteem but I cannot imagine the agony of having your entire life snatched away when you are on the brink of something special.
I don’t know why these stories have hit me…but they have.
1. My three year old goddaughter confiding that she likes diamonds.
2. Randomly coming across my favourite episode of Family Guy on BBC3 just before bedtime.
3. The excitement of chilli flavoured chocolate.
I have always been a list maker – post its and bits of paper abound in my life but last year I gave them up. I found that the ‘to do’ list was actually making my life more difficult and the increasing number of unticked items was creating a pressure which – frankly – at the time I just didn’t need. So when I went to Africa I gave them up: cold turkey. To be honest it wasn’t that difficult as my ‘to do’ list comprised of just one thing: show up. Okay, to be fair to myself I did have to do lesson planning, photocopying, equipment buying etc but I found that having a simple, single purpose made everything much easier.
However, life in London without a regular job, looking after a home and just keeping up with general admin does require a tad more organisation so the lists came creeping back and, at the moment, I am finding them hugely valuable. My days are totally without structure at the moment and the lists help create a sense of achievement. But they have to be manageable. So I have a day ‘to do’ list and then a longer term one which I check every day and transfer any imminent deadlines or chunks of tasks to the daily one. I suspect that most sensible people know this but it’s taken me a while.
I also don’t put things that should be pleasurable or interesting like ‘blog’ on the ‘to do’ list because it creates a pressure that makes blogging a chore. I am learning to be kinder to myself: if I want to blog I will, if I don’t then I will not beat myself up about it.
Going back to daily tasks – in modern society and as a woman, we pride ourselves on the ability to multi-task but often multi-tasking leads to incredible stress and under-achievement. This means I have my list and instead of going through it one by one, I try to do three things at the same time. So I start one thing, get distracted by another and then skip to something else – before I know it the day has disappeared and task one is still only half done. The ability to multi-task is important and valuable – suddenly things land on your desk, door step or by whatever means and you have to deal with them whilst juggling other activities – but very often you’re much better off just doing ONE THING AT A TIME.
Getting myself sorted and being kinder to myself is still very much a work in progress (I suspect that it will be a lifelong work in progress) but I am being much less rigid with myself and – for me – that is a major achievement.
